Everything I say is fascinating.

The Other Woman

You have visions of how the night is going to proceed, he will be charming at dinner and laugh with you during the concert. He will ask if you need anything to drink and be the perfect southern gentleman that you know and love. You will look at each other during one of the songs and smile. You think it will be a great evening, but then he calls and says he's just going to meet you there at the concert. You are hurt and confused but still go with all your friends and you hope for the best. Then he shows up and he's not alone. There is someone by his side and there are two other friends as well but you don't notice them as much. The introductions are made you smile politely but in your mind you already don't like them because they stole your night. All of your friends agree they can't believe what has just happened and start giving the death stare.

I smiled and shook hands and I wondered why do I feel like these people hate me. I just met them. Later on he leans and whispers in my ear, "See that girl (he tries to point her out without being obvious) she has a crush on me." She was the one that mentioned the concert and he thought it would be fun if you guys went together and he hoped our two other friends could come along. It all becomes clear. You are the other woman.

So many times I have been on the other side that it all becomes so obvious what is going on. The disappointment you feel when you know things aren't going to go as you had envisioned them and the hurt that later settles in. I wanted to take her aside and tell her I promise we are just good friends but I know it won't matter. In her mind the choice has been made and it wasn't her. I saw the hurt in her eyes and I couldn't help but feel bad for her.

The concert was amazing, an intimate venue with the artist so close you could touch him. It was strictly acoustic and that made it even better. We sang every song and swayed along with everyone else in the room. A quick stop for a drink before we headed home and it was the perfect evening even if I was the other woman.

Negative Connotation

This past Saturday I was at a Christmas party that my parents, as well as some of my other family members, attended. It was over a glass of wine that I heard my mother's cousin ask, "So is Melissa seeing anyone?" Without missing a beat my mom answers "No she is too high maintenance and picky." I quickly replied "I heard that!"

Later that night I was laying in bed thinking am I high maintenance ? Then I began thinking exactly what does that term mean?  Yes I like to dress up and do my hair and look pretty. Sometimes I can spend a lot of time doing those things and that is my right as a girl. On the other hand sometimes I throw my hair in a ponytail and head out the door.  Yes, even without makeup... okay maybe some lip gloss. When I hear the term high maintenance I think of a girl who spends hours getting ready every day, and needs designer EVERYTHING. Heck if I find something cute at Target I will wear it, and that's not to say that I don't appreciate quality craftsmanship, but again I shop at target. I also think of a girl who needs a big rock on her finger and needs to live a lavish lifestyle. Do I need to live in a mansion? No, not by any means, but nor do I want to live off of food stamps either. 

I love to go camping and when I say love I mean LOVE! I like sleeping on the ground or under the stars sometimes when I go camping I don't even shower for days. Gross I know but part of the experience nonetheless. When I tell people I am going camping I always get the same reaction. YOU! NO WAY! This infuriates me to no end. Can there not be a healthy balance between liking to wear dresses and cute shoes on the weekdays and wanting to go hiking on a Saturday afternoon?  I think a real girl who is high maintenance wouldn't be caught dead in nature.

I will admit that my mother was right in one area and that is I am picky. I don't have a list that I have to check mark each thing in order for me to like someone because I don't think it works that way. I do have several things that I am looking for in a man. My faith is very important to me, and while some people don't understand it, I want him to be a spiritual leader. I'm not talking he needs to be a pastor or anything but I do want Christianity to be important to him too. I want someone to travel with, to go on adventures with because that is what life is an adventure. (Just talk to anyone who has kids and they will tell you that.)  I want someone to laugh at life with and someone who I can cry on his shoulder when things get hard.  I want to be happy and if that makes me high maintenance and picky in some peoples eyes well then I will gladly wear that title.   

To Whom It May Concern:

Situation A:

If you want to date me  don't send your friend to tell me that you want to date me... are we in 5th grade?  Don't tell me you want to date me and then make out with my friend in front of me at a Christmas party. Just a suggestion.

Situation B:

If you are trying to set me with a friend of yours the conversation should not go like this:

Friend: So I really want you to meet this guy.

Me: Oh yeah? (already skeptical)

Friend: Yes! He's funny, nice, cute and I think you guys would really hit it off.

Me: BUT...

Friend: Well he's recently divorced.

Me: And why did that happen?

Friend: Well he drinks.

Me: Absolutely not.

Rinse Wash Repeat

I received a phone call early last week from a good friend of mine asking me if I was going to be planning our 10 year high school reunion and my first thought was no way. I have no desire to take that on and really I feel like asking why should I do it?  Later on in the week I received another phone call from a friend letting me know that she is pregnant. I started crying. Relax they were tears of joy and happiness because trust me my clock isn't ticking and to be honest I don't think it is even turned on. 

Today as I was driving back from the lake and listening to an imix that I had put together awhile ago, all these thoughts started creeping into my mind.  Each song brought back so many memories and I started thinking about the past. I ran across my senior yearbook while I was moving and of course I looked at what I had said under my senior picture. Of course in my originality I had stated that in ten years I would have graduated from college with a marketing degree and I would be married with two kids.  Well at least I can check one of those things off my list. I was so innocent and so full of hope of the future held for me.

I would like to think that I'm still like that but lately I can't help but feel a little jaded. There is this gap that keeps widening between my closets friends and I, and I can't be sure how to close it. While I know my very  existents doesn't depend on being married but it seems like my friendships do. I have joked about being in 11 weddings but ask me how many of those people I still keep in contact with...  A grand total of three.  While I am aware of a natural change in friendship dynamics there is something to be said about this feeling. This feeling of being left behind, of not being in this inner circle so to speak. Eventually when you get together with a group of friends most often the conversation will turn to their marriages relationships or their children and while there is nothing wrong with this type of conversation it is also a conversation to which I can contribute little or nothing. We are in different stages of our lives and therefore the gap is widening even further. While they are talking about teething and buying a house I'm talking about my trip to Thailand and moving back to New York; each of us looking over our coffee mugs and not quite understanding the other.

I am starting a new cycle. I have just joined a new church and am trying to get involved with their singles group. The singles group that I joined (26-35, I'm 27) at this church is very nice and welcoming but a part of me is hesitant. Truth be told I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired of meeting new single people and getting close to them and then they get married and then I feel as if I have to start all over. I know whoa is me blah blah blah, but when five of your seven closest friends move out state and some even out of the country, you tell me how happy you feel. I'll be the first to admit it. I'm lonely. I'm used to be surrounded  by friends and short of throwing myself into work this is my only other option. So I will go with a smile on my face and meet new friends but a part of me will be holding back because I just don't want to do this all over again. 

I'm lifting you up. I'm letting you down. I'm dancing till dawn. I'm fooling around.

Sometimes I forget what I am worth. I'm worth the chase. I'm worth the effort. I'm worth getting nervous for.  This weekend has been yet just another reminder in an ongoing lesson. A lesson that my mind knows but also one that my mind seems to forget... more often then I would like to admit.

It seems lately I need to remind myself that I shouldn't be trying to fit this perfect mold for someone, somehow twisting myself to seem like this perfect woman. I need to change my attitude from does he like me, to I do I like him? I am fully admitting that I do take on the does he like me attitude way more frequently then I would like. I get caught up in the how do I look, do I seem witty, oh gosh I must put my best foot forward in all hopes of winning this man's affections.   While the above is all right to a certain extent I need to realize that he should be trying to win me over as well.  I forget that this is sort of like a dance and truth be told I really don't want to lead. And if I don't want to I really shouldn't be forced to either.

I have seen many friends change who they are in the hopes of having a certain guy like her and I'm not going to judge because I have done it as well. All of sudden I become this sports enthusiasts, and why of course I  would love to watch sports center, when really all I want to do is change the channel to TBS because they are showing Steel Magnolias for the hundredth time and I know I own the DVD but you can't just not watch it! I'm just saying.

The tile of this post comes from the song Must Get Out by Maroon 5 and I really love this song so much. I listen to it when I'm down about something (mainly guys) because I could kill myself in trying to get someone to say those words you long to hear. Worrying about everything that comes out of my mouth if its okay and really that is no way to live.

This past weekend when I was celebrating a friends birthday a secret crush of mine came and it wasn't till he left the party that I had the most fun. That is when I really became me.I joined my friends in dancing without a care in the world, participating in a mock food fight, and singing at the top of my lungs to total eclipse of the heart  and if I can't be that person in front of my secret crush then he is obviously not the one for me.

The Vibe

This past weekend was pretty mellow, Saturday night I met up with some friends at our new local bar where happy hour on weekends is nine to eleven! I had a margarita and an apple martini for a whopping six dollars! In New York that would have have cost me $25 okay maybe not that much but close enough. I'm not going to lie this could be our new favorite haunt. It was on this night when I was hanging out with friends and I was meeting friends of friends and it was then that I saw him. It takes a lot for me to think a guy is good looking, perhaps it's unrealistic expectations set by the media or just my own personal preference but it takes a lot to make me weak in the knees.
I arrived late to the gathering  made the rounds with hellos and hugs and a few introductions and then shook the hand of the boy. He takes my hand in his and it feels strong and I get nervous. I haven't been nervous around someone in a very long time so this was a feeling I wasn't to happy with.
Now it's at this crucial moment when you first meet someone that you start to feel them out to get their vibe ( for lack of a better word).  I have talked this over with several friends and there are just some girls that put out this vibe of flirt with me, and I'm so cute, don't you think I'm cute too. Where as I on the other hand put out the vibe of let me punch you in the arm and tell you what a great friend you are. I will fully admit that I am a girlie girl, I like my handbags, my shoes and my make up but for some reason I'm giving off the just friend vibe and I can't seem to shake it. I think I need to take a seminar from these other girls.

In college I had my fair share random making outs and what not but I'm done with that at least I hope. I don't want the randomness anymore I'm tired of that and I would like to think I'm a little to old for it now anyway. I don't think I'm putting out the vibe of hi nice to meet you do you want to get married, because I'm quite content being single. I mean don't get me wrong I have my days of wanting someone but I like to think that those days are few and far between even though in actuality they are not.

The rest of the evening I chatted with my friends and talked with the boy a bit. The nervousness faded away and I began to enjoy myself. Nothing came of the conversation, but as I was walking to my car trying to dodge the rain that was starting to fall I realized I had fun and I guess that is what is important.

That Girl is Poison

Gosh I love Bobby Brown! Once that song gets stuck in your head just try to get it out. Anyway this evening I'm writing about being "that girl." Every girl has been "that girl", the girl who calls her ex boyfriend and screams in the phone at him and then the next morning you remember your tirade and you wish you knew his voice mail code so you could erase it. You know you have been there but have no fear I have been there as well.

My friend who shall not be named (Lisa) and I went to dinner and she recently got dumped since I'm such a great friend I took her out for dinner and drinks so we could talk about what a big dumb ass he was and how she is to good for him! During the obligatory ex-boyfriend bashing she said you know I wish I could just call him and scream and yell but you know I don't want to be that girl.  That comment led to my own that girl story which I gladdy share with you today. I would like to say that this was not back in high school or even college but no this was about 8 months ago.  There was a guy who really will remain nameless and he asked me, over instant messenger might I add, if I had told another friend of ours some stupid rumor about us! There are so many things wrong with this the first being INSTANT MESSENGER! I mean grow some balls and ask me this at least over the phone. Dumb Ass. And second why would say something like that? It wasn't true and yes that's exactly what I want to do is go around telling people a lie that would make me look like a tramp let alone the fact that it WAS NOT TRUE! And then to top it off as I telling him all this over instant messenger he signed off! THE NERVE! So what did I do in all my fury? I called him 3 times and left a message that has me screaming on the phone. Nice I know. I was totally THAT GIRL. Needless to say we didn't talk after that debacle. I really like to think that I am much more mature for that now.

About two years ago my friend  who shall not be named (Lisa) left not one message but TWO as in the voice mail time ran out and she called back again to continue her yelling rant. Awesome. We are such strong women. You know those guys are laughing their heads off at us now.

I seriously feel that everyone has a story like that, I mean don't you? At the time it really made me feel better but then as time wore on and I came to my senses I realized that I was the one that looked like a crazed lunatic.

On a side note when Lisa and I were talking about breakups that we have suffered the best one, and I really think she deserves a medal for this, was ON. HER.  BIRHTDAY.  He told her you are really a great sister in Christ! It was almost as bad as the dreaded God hasn't given me a peace about us. I mean how do you argue against GOD! Now I'm a Christian but when guys and girls pull this I think it's a cop out and they need to just come out with it and say I just don't like you.

So from one "that girl" to another do you have a story? Please feel free to share.

The Time Has Come

The Bachelor casting people are coming to San Antonio! Am I tempted to sign up? Perhaps, but only for the free trip to Europe! By no means do I want to compete with all the crazy women (remember Ali G) and develop an eating disorder because everyone on the show is so dang skinny you can count all their ribs. I actually am tempted to go to the casting with a bag of popcorn so I can see who really signs up for these shows, but really I would be hoping that I would see some I know in line so I can get the scoop on what happens! Actually as luck may have it a friend of a friend has already gotten to the second round (or so she says) much to my friends displeasure because she has no idea that he is secretly in love with her but that is a different post altogether. So perhaps I can get the inside scoop from her! You know maybe I should sign up for this show because whatever I seem to be doing is not working being as I am as single as EVER! Alas I am not that desperate but don't think I'm not going to tune into that new dating show on ABC!

Things that have never happened to me... I fear this is only Part I

1. while talking in mid sentence be spontaneously kissed by man of your dreams
2. when walking into a room have man of your dreams have the wind knocked out of him by how beautiful i look
3. have walked into a room full of flowers and gasped in surprise (the closest i came to this was with several boyfriends and they only had 2-3 flowers in hand... cheap bastards.)
4. never been serenaded
5. have never had someone draw me... as scene in Titanic, The Perfect Man, and Napoleon Dynamite (more so the first 2 then the last one)

This list came about while watching chick flicks with good friend jenny; where during the movies we were constantly proclaiming THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!! WHO DOES THAT? WHERE ARE THESE BOYS THAT DO THIS CRAP!

Umm... are we missing out? Does stuff like this happen outside of the movies?

what do you want?

This weekend has been about nothing but relationships. My parents just had  their 38th wedding anniversary! THIRTY EIGHT YEARS! i can't even imagine it. My mom and i were talking  and she told me if something happened to my father she doesn't know if she could continue breathing. My dad bought my mom the most beautiful card it actually made tears well up in my eyes. I was going to post what it said but I thought that might be an invasion of privacy.

Well  tonight I was having a conversation with a friend who is "semi" dating this one guy but she knows its not really going anywhere. Which made us start talking about what we want in someone. I think most girls would say they want their... dare i say it? "Soul Mate" I have a hard time with this term b/c i honestly don't know if it exists. I want someone who will love me for me and all my stupid quirks and little idiosyncrasies. I want someone who will just look at me and when I'm doing something stupid like say,  dancing in the aisle at the grocery store, say to himself "look at her she is so crazy but i love her."  I started thinking to myself of all the people that i have dated and what they had in common and what was different about each one. And i started thinking if i could pull out certain characteristics from each maybe i would have the perfect man. These would be:  the looks of my first boyfriend (he looks like JFK Jr. people), the adoration of my second boyfriend (i could do no wrong... well obviously), and the humor of my third. Then i started looking at my friends and what i would pull from them. I would want him to have the heart of Brian, the determination of Bryant, the same music taste of Will, the love of reading from Aaron, and to be a great father like Darren (for whenever i have children). I know that i can't form the perfect man but it was interesting to see what I would want in one. But I also know that something that looks so good on paper can be so wrong in real life.  When i was talking to my mom she said that my father wasn't what she was looking for at all but she fell in love with him and the rest is history I guess you could say. And I guess I'm just waiting to find that...