Everything I say is fascinating.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

You never know when you are going to meet the person you are going to marry; it could be at a wedding, through a study group, browsing at a book store, when you are in high school or meeting your best friend's older brother.

My mother met my dad when she was three years old, she doesn't remember it obviously but it did change her life forever. She had just moved to the city and wouldn't you know it there was a family across the street with a daughter exactly my mother's age. They grew up together, played together, and went to school together, the way I have heard it told they were joined at the hip.  This girl who became one of my mother's best friends had a brother four years older and in passing they would say hello but that was it. I like to think that my mother would say hi and giggle to herself because she was 14 and and he was 18 and he was so dreamy. She doesn't really tell it like that but again that's how I like to imagine it.

Cut to 4 years later and little conversations happening here and there but nothing ever happened. When my mom was 18 her older brother, who had been sick since he was born, finally succumbed to his illness and passed away. In those days everyone knew everyone on their block and they were all involved in each others lives... picture Wisteria Lane only in the 1960's. It was at this funeral when my mom was crying over her loss that my dad looked up and saw her overcome with grief.  When he was telling me this story he said "I saw your mom crying and I knew I wanted to protect her from that kind of pain for the rest of her life." He's quite the romantic isn't he?

He didn't know what to do because this was his little sister's friend. He knew he would get a lot of flack from his sister but he decided to pursue my mother anyway. My mom was shocked to say the least when he walked across the street to ask her out a month later. She said yes and as they say the rest is history.

Last night we had small dinner party to celebrate my parents 40th wedding anniversary. Over dessert I caught my parents holding hands and it made me smile, because they looked as happy as when they got married that day 40 years ago.

Random

I take my camera with me everywhere taking snapshots here and there of funny things I see. I usually plan to blog about them but then I forget to upload them and when I do I'm left trying to think why the heck did I take this picture?  I eventually remember and then you guys get this half assed post. Enjoy!

I don't bake so my muffin pans hold my earrings Genius? I think so too.

This isn't exactly the scene you want to see when you about to go into the hospital for surgery... I'm just saying. Does anyone else think of the movie outbreak when they see this picture?

Even if you think this is going to come out funny, you should stop yourself and realize it's not.

Billboard on the way to work. My first thought was what the hell is cosmetic gynecology?
And then I read the sign below and I didn't want to know anymore.

Gimme More

Britney! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COMEBACK! It's a good thing I didn't hold my breath or I would be dead. Seriously. Did you guys see this train wreck? It seemed like she forgot the words at one point during the performance. I don't think she even tried and I'm just going to say it I could have done a better job. I would have had more clothes on, but again I could have put together a better performance. That's right I said it.Jenny and I just kept looking at each other and saying that's it?* This is boring! She seemed scared and like she lost all her confidence that she once had like what am I doing up here? Well either that or she just didn't care. If you haven't seen it consider yourself lucky but if you must take a look you can find it here.

*Oh did I forget to tell you that I'm in Denver right now visiting my friend Jenny. I'll post pictures and stories later on.

Rinse Wash Repeat

I received a phone call early last week from a good friend of mine asking me if I was going to be planning our 10 year high school reunion and my first thought was no way. I have no desire to take that on and really I feel like asking why should I do it?  Later on in the week I received another phone call from a friend letting me know that she is pregnant. I started crying. Relax they were tears of joy and happiness because trust me my clock isn't ticking and to be honest I don't think it is even turned on. 

Today as I was driving back from the lake and listening to an imix that I had put together awhile ago, all these thoughts started creeping into my mind.  Each song brought back so many memories and I started thinking about the past. I ran across my senior yearbook while I was moving and of course I looked at what I had said under my senior picture. Of course in my originality I had stated that in ten years I would have graduated from college with a marketing degree and I would be married with two kids.  Well at least I can check one of those things off my list. I was so innocent and so full of hope of the future held for me.

I would like to think that I'm still like that but lately I can't help but feel a little jaded. There is this gap that keeps widening between my closets friends and I, and I can't be sure how to close it. While I know my very  existents doesn't depend on being married but it seems like my friendships do. I have joked about being in 11 weddings but ask me how many of those people I still keep in contact with...  A grand total of three.  While I am aware of a natural change in friendship dynamics there is something to be said about this feeling. This feeling of being left behind, of not being in this inner circle so to speak. Eventually when you get together with a group of friends most often the conversation will turn to their marriages relationships or their children and while there is nothing wrong with this type of conversation it is also a conversation to which I can contribute little or nothing. We are in different stages of our lives and therefore the gap is widening even further. While they are talking about teething and buying a house I'm talking about my trip to Thailand and moving back to New York; each of us looking over our coffee mugs and not quite understanding the other.

I am starting a new cycle. I have just joined a new church and am trying to get involved with their singles group. The singles group that I joined (26-35, I'm 27) at this church is very nice and welcoming but a part of me is hesitant. Truth be told I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired of meeting new single people and getting close to them and then they get married and then I feel as if I have to start all over. I know whoa is me blah blah blah, but when five of your seven closest friends move out state and some even out of the country, you tell me how happy you feel. I'll be the first to admit it. I'm lonely. I'm used to be surrounded  by friends and short of throwing myself into work this is my only other option. So I will go with a smile on my face and meet new friends but a part of me will be holding back because I just don't want to do this all over again. 

fireworks on the lake