I was attacked in my apartment on Friday night... by a flying cockroach. Yes I'm still traumatized but I feel I should share my story with everyone. I might even go on the lecture circuit.
On Friday night I was at a birthday dinner for my friend's Doug and Matt and after the dinner we went over to my friend Krystal's apartment. Our conversations were funny but then somehow they took an odd turn and drifted over to homicide (I blame all 15 of the law and orders that are on TV right now, I'm just saying), so when I got home at 2am I was freaked out. As I was preparing for bed I checked all my hall closets, behind the shower curtain I even checked my laundry room where the only way a person could fit in there would be if they were a contortionist. I washed my face and then proceeded to go to my bedroom. I flicked on the light and screamed. I had spotted a cockroach and it was on the move. Now I don't live in squaller, I'm not dirty, I vacuum on a a regular basis and Pine-sol is my best friend so when I saw this cockroach all I could was how dare you invade my bubble of cleanliness. I blame the weather and the fact that it has rained everyday for the past week and half and they are trying to seek shelter. Stupid rain.
I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to call someone to take care of it but it was 2am and I don't think anyone would have appreciated that phone call. I decided to take matter into my own hands and I got the broom. I took my stance it was either me or him and we both knew one of us wasn't going to come out alive. Like I said he was on the move and I waited till he was in the crease between the wall and the ceiling and then I made my move. I lunged at it with my broom but it was like it new my every move and it started to fly. Now I would like you all to envision what happened next if you will, it started flying and I started swinging my broom like a tennis racket hitting everything in sight except that damn bug. I finally made contact and it fell to the floor and then I beat it death. Literally BEAT IT TO DEATH. Meanwhile Tux is in the corner because he has never seen me get so violent and I'm sure he's thinking I'm never going to go outside my litter box again lest I get the same fate as the cockroach. I then drug the bugs corpse across the floor and put it into the toilet... and I flushed that thing about ten times.
On another note that has nothing to do with the bug of death I did see live free or die hard on Saturday night and it was a great movie! Now I'm a self proclaimed girly girl but I love me some action movies! I came out of that movie totally pumped up! I was all I hope there's another cockroach in my apartment! Okay not really but you get the point, and apparently I was not the only one whose adrenaline was running amuck. In the bathroom after the movie these two girls almost got into it and one of them threatened to take it out to the parking lot all because one of the other girls kicked her chair. Crazy.
I once came home to find a 6 inch long centipede in my apartment. I proceeded to put on a pair of high heeled boots and beat it to death with a heeled shoe. Except that it WOULD NOT DIE, so I tried to suck it up with my vaccuum. Of course, the damn thing got stuck in the hose half way in, so I left the vaccuum on and ran to the patio door and shut off the vaccuum and watched as it flew out of the hose into the grass. It was at that moment I decided that I needed to get married.
Posted by: slynnro | July 02, 2007 at 12:34 PM
I can absolutely picture you doing this. I wish I could have been there to document this occasion with pictures of you wildly swinging a broom around. Awesome.
Posted by: Emily Ann | July 02, 2007 at 01:51 PM
that is freakin hilarious. i react similarly to roaches myself. however, i put my husband on bug duty and he uses MY flip flops to kill them. and that's just wrong.
Posted by: Jenn | July 02, 2007 at 04:29 PM
this is why I don't miss Texas...
Having grown up around those little creatures, I DREAD the day I ever see one again.
I have chills just thinking about the big flying ones......
eeeeeeeeeeeek :-(
Posted by: paj | July 02, 2007 at 04:52 PM
Classic. I'd say that I wished I were there to see it, but I don't wish I were anywhere near a flying roach. I think I have a pretty good mental picture of the scene, which is plenty hilarious enough.
Posted by: Lori | July 02, 2007 at 06:13 PM
this was much better acted out. =)
Posted by: krystal | July 03, 2007 at 01:46 PM
Honestly...you are amazing...I could not have taken on that cockroach..they FREAK ME OUT! You, Melissa, are my hero!
Posted by: Sarah | July 03, 2007 at 11:31 PM
KARATE LESSONS? My only "C" at Baylor was in karate. Best of luck to you. Let me know if you want some advice on how to annoy your sensei. My #1 tip: giggle. A lot.
Posted by: Catherine | July 06, 2007 at 10:45 PM