Everything I say is fascinating.

That Girl is Poison

Gosh I love Bobby Brown! Once that song gets stuck in your head just try to get it out. Anyway this evening I'm writing about being "that girl." Every girl has been "that girl", the girl who calls her ex boyfriend and screams in the phone at him and then the next morning you remember your tirade and you wish you knew his voice mail code so you could erase it. You know you have been there but have no fear I have been there as well.

My friend who shall not be named (Lisa) and I went to dinner and she recently got dumped since I'm such a great friend I took her out for dinner and drinks so we could talk about what a big dumb ass he was and how she is to good for him! During the obligatory ex-boyfriend bashing she said you know I wish I could just call him and scream and yell but you know I don't want to be that girl.  That comment led to my own that girl story which I gladdy share with you today. I would like to say that this was not back in high school or even college but no this was about 8 months ago.  There was a guy who really will remain nameless and he asked me, over instant messenger might I add, if I had told another friend of ours some stupid rumor about us! There are so many things wrong with this the first being INSTANT MESSENGER! I mean grow some balls and ask me this at least over the phone. Dumb Ass. And second why would say something like that? It wasn't true and yes that's exactly what I want to do is go around telling people a lie that would make me look like a tramp let alone the fact that it WAS NOT TRUE! And then to top it off as I telling him all this over instant messenger he signed off! THE NERVE! So what did I do in all my fury? I called him 3 times and left a message that has me screaming on the phone. Nice I know. I was totally THAT GIRL. Needless to say we didn't talk after that debacle. I really like to think that I am much more mature for that now.

About two years ago my friend  who shall not be named (Lisa) left not one message but TWO as in the voice mail time ran out and she called back again to continue her yelling rant. Awesome. We are such strong women. You know those guys are laughing their heads off at us now.

I seriously feel that everyone has a story like that, I mean don't you? At the time it really made me feel better but then as time wore on and I came to my senses I realized that I was the one that looked like a crazed lunatic.

On a side note when Lisa and I were talking about breakups that we have suffered the best one, and I really think she deserves a medal for this, was ON. HER.  BIRHTDAY.  He told her you are really a great sister in Christ! It was almost as bad as the dreaded God hasn't given me a peace about us. I mean how do you argue against GOD! Now I'm a Christian but when guys and girls pull this I think it's a cop out and they need to just come out with it and say I just don't like you.

So from one "that girl" to another do you have a story? Please feel free to share.

To Be Or Not To Be

It has to be said that I love theme parties and on September 23rd we will be celebrating my friends 27th birthday and it's a theme party,the theme being a celebrity party. I love this theme because I can let my inner actress out for the night. Don't pretend like you don't have one!

The rules are simple you can come as a celebrity or as a character in a movie or TV show. I had fabulous ideas for my friends costumes. For instance  my friend Sarah who is oh so tall and skinny should be Paris Hilton and her boyfriend can change costumes about 3 different times during the party as in she has a new guy every 15 minutes. Genius? I think so too. I have been trying to talk my friend Jenny into going as Britney Spears with a pillow under her shirt and short shorts with a bag of Cheeto's in her hand a cabbage patch doll hanging from her side.

As for my costume I'm stumped! Help me internet! Please I beg you. I welcome the suggestions.
I do have 3 ideas tell me what you think please! Here are my ideas.

These first two are pretty much just for comfort because hello who doesn't want to wear scrubs!

Neela from ER.

Or same actress different costume this one is comfy as well except perhaps the cleats.
I could be the girl from Bend It Like Beckham... obviously not Keira Nightly because you know I'm a normal woman and have curves (aka fat!).

And the third option which is my friends favorite I could go as Janet Jackson from her super bowl  wardrobe malfunction days.

I kind of like this idea although I obviously wouldn't have my boob hang out or get it pierced for that matter but I would somehow make it work. Perhaps a plastic boob?

Lori said I should go as as Jennifer Lopez when she wore that famous green dress and I told her I couldn't wear that because I had worn it to church last week and you all know it won't have the same effect twice.  And really who wants to be that girl?

So any other suggestions?

I'm retiring.

At the ripe old age of 26 I have decided to retire... from being a bridesmaid. Two weekends ago I was in my 10th wedding! It was a lovely affair and after the dress debacle everything really did go smoothly.

My friend Vanessa who I think of as my little sister got married on August 11, 2006. In every wedding that I have been in I have had some part of the preparations but with this wedding she had everything done in about 2 weeks. I was amazed. Of course she is very organized and is literal thinker (she is studying to be a cardiothoracic surgeon) so organizing a wedding was like making a stop at the post office for this girl. It was just another errand that had to be run while on the way to the hospital to slice someone up. Nice visual right?

The actual ceremony was I think 15 minutes long which was perfect because I was wearing ridiculously high heeled shoes and I was afraid of falling by just standing there not to mention the walking up and down the stairs to get to the aisle. I cried when she walked down the with her dad as usual.

It was during the reception that I thought to myself how many more of these am I going to be in and that is when I decided to retire. It seems that I find myself in a pattern of having single friends then they get married and then I find other single friends and then they get married and so on and so forth. Hence the 10 weddings I have been in and after my 11th in January I am hanging up my bridesmaid dress or dresses if you will. From here on out my standard reply will be I'm so honored that you asked but I'm retired and trust me after being in 11 weddings you would be too.*
It was at the bouquet toss that I really started to freak out though. I never really try to catch the bouquet (except for at my best friends wedding) so I pretty much linger in the back and watch the ladies try to attack each other when I thought "Oh my goodness what if by the time I get married there is no one left to toss the bouquet too!" I shuddered and returned to my seat to eat some more cake.

What will I do with all my new found time and MONEY now that I'm retired? I'm thinking I'm going to travel and then of course there is Disneyland.

*Apparently I will be like Barbra Streisand and will be coming out of retirement twice for my friend Jenny's wedding and Emily Ann's wedding... whenever those might be.

Change Of Plans

I was going to write about being a bridesmaid last weekend for the hundredth time but alas I'm writing about this instead.

On Tuesday night around 2am I woke to the sound banging. I was in and out of sleep when I heard the noises but then I heard my car alarm go off and I KNEW! I flew out of bed and ran to the window  to see 2 guys running from my car. I then ran to my parents room (2 weeks and counting till I move and let me tell you I AM counting) and starting shouting they broke into my car. My dad grabs his gun (we live in Texas) and runs to the front of the house. We set off our house alarm and the neighbor runs over to see if we are okay and my dad almost shoots him. He starts yelling "I'm your neighbor! I'm your neighbor! I'm your neighbor! Are you okay?" We were okay but my car not so much. They broke my passenger door and they took my TV that was in the ceiling of my car. Not that I ever used the damn thing but if I wanted to I can't now!

So the cops come and took fingerprints and our statements. I should mention that by no means do we live in the ghetto or the freeway. The picture above was taken at the rent a car place so I while mine is getting fixed I have something to drive. What kind of rental car am I driving? Oh this piece of crap!  Now this may sound shallow but I. Don't. Care. How do people drive that car and take themselves seriously? I feel like I'm driving a clown car! I drove up my driveway and my mom said it looks like I'm driving a hearse! Awesome. It makes weird noises and it smells like smoke on the inside.  I pay good money for insurance and this is the crap car they give me? Not to mention it didn't even have a full tank of gas! Needless to say my disposition is not so bright right now.

classic melissa

We all know how I  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE Wal-Mart so of course this would only happen to me.

I went to Wal-Mart grabbed a cart and I didn't even really pay attention to the cart until halfway through my shopping trip. I looked down and noticed with the utmost horror that my hand had been resting on a pantie liner from a swimsuit that someone had stuck on the cart! I almost vomited right then and there.

Never again Wal-Mart NEVER AGAIN!

decisions decisions decisions

I used to be so sure about moving out of my hometown of San Antonio but now I'm having second thoughts. True it is hard to leave the security of your family and friends but I have done it before when I moved across the county so I know I can do it again. That isn't the problem per se. The problem is quality of life versus better professional opportunities. San Antonio has 3 major companies moving their headquarters here which means a lot of people purchasing homes and real estate really is booming down here. Austin is doing it's fair share with people coming in droves from California.

The dilemma I face is not an easy one. As time has gone by I feel as though in some ways I have become the adult in the parent child relationship I share with my mom and dad. They aren't getting any younger and while they are by no means on their death bed they are going to a lot more doctor's appointments then when I was a child. As an only child I feel a certain responsibility to be here to take them to said appointments, to go to the grocery store for them when they are tired and to just general be here for them. If something happens to either one of them it would be better if I am in the same city. Although Austin is close (an hour and half away) sometimes when my parents are ill it seems not close enough.

The reason I want to move to Austin are more for the quality of life issue. If you can recall awhile ago I wrote a list about things that I wanted to do in my life. The list keeps growing and growing and some of these things are learning how to sail a boat, to be in a play, take part in an indie movie, and to try to see more live bands. These things would be more easily accomplished if I were in Austin. They have sailing lessons on town lake and the indie scene is rampant down there. As for the live music it is what Austin is known for! Austin City Limits and South by Southwest festival just to name a few. Also for the past 2 months I have been toying with getting my masters in fine arts which you don't need at all in real estate but its just something I'm thinking about. San Antonio is a great city but it is more of a family city and as a single girl it's not too much fun. I do have wonderful friends here but the types of things that I would like to do aren't as readily available here.

Also I need you to understand that by no means are my parents pressuring me to stay in San Antonio. They would love it if I were to stay and there may have been some bribery from my father (which I'm sure was a joke... at least I hope) they want me to go on a live my life. The decision is mine.