Everything I say is fascinating.

tales from the gym... part 2!

So remember when I wrote this post? Yeah, that was just the beginning of my problems. So I went to the gym the other day at about 3 and apparently this is the time that the body builders work out. Seriously they could probably bench press about 3 of me... I swear some of the guys were looking at me as if they really wanted too! I was frightened. Not to mention the guy that was on the treadmill that was grunting so hard he sounding like he was barking. And then, AND THEN, the following day I was working out again (I deserve a medal) and I am on the elliptical machine and I see the back of this woman and she has a killer body. She is wearing those itty bitty workout shorts that only Heidi Klum looks good in, and she is rocking them! I immediately hate her. So naturally I start working out harder, and then she turns around and she is PREGNANT! About 6 months pregnant. I almost fell off of the machine. My hate turned to bitter rage. I am also working out where there are about 25 elliptical machines to choose from and she chooses the one next to mine. HAAAAAAAAATE.

My reputation precedes me...

I am at Lisa, Amy, Jenny, and Krystal's house for Krystal's 25th birthday. All the roommates, plus me (I might as well start paying rent I'm there almost everyday) are there in the living room waiting for Krystal to get home from work. Krystal walks in the door. We yell out Happy Birthday! And the first thing out of her mouth is "I turned the corner and saw Lissa's car and thought Sweet we're having drinks tonight!" Awesome.

loving my friends!

I have the best group of friends ever! Case in point this weekend...

Saturday night 6pm watching some stupid lifetime movie but we can't seem to tear our eyes away from the TV (yet no one really wants to tell the others that this is the case). We have to be at a store to meet some friends and there is an hour left of the movie and we all just kinda look at each other and Amy throws out "Well... we could tape the rest???" The rest of us in unison, "Excellent!" Don't judge it had Richard Grieco in it!

Reaching out to my inner teenager...

Me: Guess who is coming to the rodeo, Hilary Duff! Do you want to go?

Jenny's response without any judgment or missing a beat, HECK YES!

Seriously could I ask for better friends? I think not.

Also Jenny and I went to see Kathy Griffin this past week and oh my gosh she is so funny I can't even explain how funny! So not politically correct it was AWESOME!  And at the end she was telling a story and she dropped trou... no lie! Again so funny. If you have the chance please go see her you won't regret it.

my achy breaky heart

After a long hiatus, partly because the pool was closed and partly because I was so sick,  I have returned to swimming. And I return only to find that I am the object of someones affection, or at least his creepy stares. I went to the pool and the mile that usually takes Lori and I 45 minutes took us an hour an half. Well, to be honest 15 of those 90 minutes was because I didn't want to get into the water because it was so cold! Seriously when you give up cussing (stupid new years resolution) you come up with a lot of adjectives such as MOTHER OF PEARL! Yeah, it doesn't have the same effect does it?  So halfway into our laps Billy Ray Cyrus shows up. Well it wasn't really him but it could have been, he has a  MULLET people! And he is about 50 pounds heavier then the actual Billy Ray Cyrus but other then that it was HIM! As I'm swimming I notice that he is staring at me and he NEVER takes his eyes off me! I'm more then a little freaked out by this because I'm 25 and I don't want someone leering at me, fake celebrity or not. And I mean lets just say when I am swimming I'm not really showing anyone my A game. Blue one piece swimsuit, with matching swim cap, and purple goggles? Yeah, not so hot. NOT THAT I WANTED BILLY RAY TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO ME! (perhaps I should have said that in the beginning) I also thought that maybe I was making a bigger deal then it actually was, until I ask Lori about it and she said "Yeah I don't think we should practice your flip turn (BECAUSE I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT PEOPLE) down at the pool where he is hanging out." So I might have a fake Billy Ray Cyrus admirer. And if these are the kind of people I'm attracting, maybe I need to rethink my standards!

obsession

So i might be addicted to something and I feel the need to share it with others... others being you, the internet. I am addicted to Lost and I know that everyone in America is as well so that makes it so much better! At least I know I'm in good company. And I'm just going to say it I am captivated by Matthew Fox (or as i like to call him my future husband once he gets a divorce). This man cries in every episode and even thought that might be annoying, its so hot! I have never seen a man cry like that! Seriously I think that is how he must have got that job on lost. He was all, "have you seen my stuff from party of five? I cried every episode there too (only more annoying) and i know i can cry on island and still make women want me." Do you remember when charlie almost died? He cried. When Boone did die? He cried. When Sawyer told him about his dad? He cried.When he was talking to the guy from the hatch and yelled at him that he married the women he saved? He cried.  (I think that was the best one yet!) And last night he cried when said women left him. Stupid whore.
Anyway I realize this is dumb boring post but I had to have an excuse to post pictures of Matthew.

Sigh.

The Object of My Affection

In college my friend Jenny and I had the biggest crushes on these 2 guys we met our freshman year at Baylor.They were friends, we were friend so why not date right? Well that was wishful thinking, at least on our part. Seriously it became a huge joke about how we much we liked these stupid boys. When one of us found out information about the others crush we would hang out it in front of the other just to be mean... "Guess what I found out about so and so" was our phrase of choice. And of course we would make the other do stupid stuff in order to get the info but then again what are friends for right?

One day we were driving back to our apartment after running an errand and you had to drive by their house to get to our apartment (well maybe you didn't have to but whatever for the sake of this story, and so we don't seem crazy YOU HAD TO DRIVE BY THEIR HOUSE). Well outside was Jenny's crush and he was hanging up an American Flag outside on his porch. Jenny very softly whispers "God Bless America." Till this day we still say that to each other and burst out laughing like little school girls.

Now don't get me wrong we weren't stalkers or anything it was just funny to us about how much we liked these guys are freshman year in college. And then throughout the rest of our years at Baylor we would run into them, or have a class with them, and I mean we were friends but they had NO IDEA how much they were the object of our amusement.

A year ago as a I was boarding a plane going back to NYC I get a phone call from Jenny that went something like this: 

me: Hey J

J: Hi (all sad)

me: whats wrong?

J: my crush got married yesterday.

me: oh no!

and then we start laughing.

Well today I was going through myspace (the most addictive thing on earth), and I found my crush!! I immediately dialed Jenny and yelled into the phone GUESS WHO I JUST FOUND!!! And in true fashion I made her wait till I got over to her apartment to show her the goods! And the best part is he got fat, has a weird beard, and is now totally odd (and not in a hot way). God bless the Internet!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Don't you LOVE my new banner? Thanks to the wonderful talented Emily who created it for me. I am so legit now!

rant rant rant

To the 40 year old lady at the gym who has a better body then I do...

I HATE YOU! Why yes you have better body then most of the people here and let me guess you probably have 3 kids right? Yeah I thought so. Well just because you have rock hard abs does not mean you get to flaunt them in my face while I am trying to lift weights that are only 5 pounds. You know what I'm trying! And really who are you kidding with that leopard sports bra that you INSIST on wearing ever other day! Seriously you are 40 and no one wants to see that. And sure I went to Wendy's after working out but I got a salad okay? I mean I had a whole wheat, whole grain taste like cardboard english muffin for breakfast... ISN'T THAT ENOUGH!! You probably feed your kids nothing but soy and organic food only right? you own major stock in whole foods don't you? DON'T YOU!!! And I'm sure that after you popped out all of your kids you went back to being 105 pounds. Just like I'm sure Angelina Jolie is going to be with her crazy freakish good looking baby. Well again some of us are trying okay?!?!  (umm side note I would not want to be that baby... I mean would you want to be known as the baby who is potentially going to give Jennifer Ansiton a nervous breakdown? Not to mention having a freak for a mother who still has to call her lesbian lover when she isn't satisfied by Brad Pitt. I mean who can't be satisfied by BRAD PITT!)  Anyway back to my rant.  Some of us want to  work out in peace without you flaunting your leopard sport bra wearing body everywhere.

Also apparently its delurking week... so leave me a comment because as you can see from the paragraph above i need all the affirmation I can get!

UHHH.... SORRY

Bare with me as i try to redesign my site... its proving harder then i thought.

relapse

Guess who is sick again? Guess who threw up at her hair appointment today? Guess who should never leave her bed again for fear of vomiting on strangers? Yeah, me.