Everything I say is fascinating.

Things that have never happened to me... I fear this is only Part I

1. while talking in mid sentence be spontaneously kissed by man of your dreams
2. when walking into a room have man of your dreams have the wind knocked out of him by how beautiful i look
3. have walked into a room full of flowers and gasped in surprise (the closest i came to this was with several boyfriends and they only had 2-3 flowers in hand... cheap bastards.)
4. never been serenaded
5. have never had someone draw me... as scene in Titanic, The Perfect Man, and Napoleon Dynamite (more so the first 2 then the last one)

This list came about while watching chick flicks with good friend jenny; where during the movies we were constantly proclaiming THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!! WHO DOES THAT? WHERE ARE THESE BOYS THAT DO THIS CRAP!

Umm... are we missing out? Does stuff like this happen outside of the movies?

Resolutions

I used to make all kinds of new years resolutions, ranging from this year was going to be my year! Whatever the hell that means. They never worked out for me I was a constant failure. Well last year I decided that I would only make one resolution. I was going to work out consistently throughout the year. Now you should know that I HATE working out. I like running but it would be nice to do it outdoors and well you all know I live in Texas where it’s 98 degrees most of the time. Anyway I stuck with it and I worked out at least 5 times a week. A lot of good this did for me, because of my stupid hypothyroid. Well this year I am only making another resolution.  Now when I told my friends what this was 3 of them laughed in my face and said yeah that’s never going to happen. Thanks for the vote of confidence guys! Bitches! Now that word brings me to my New Year’s resolution. I’m going to try to stop cussing. My one vice! I tried to do this for lent 2 years ago, even thought I’m not Catholic it seemed like a good idea. I failed after I think the 3^rd day, let alone trying to go all 40! So why do I want to do this? To tell you the truth I don’t even know why. Whenever I do say a cuss word in front of my parents my dad says “That’s my girl,” and laughs. My mother on the other hand looks at me and her southern values come out and she says, “Melissa, a lady shouldn’t use such words.” (Let’s not mention the fact that she totally cusses when she is watching the spurs play but she says it doesn’t count because it’s in Spanish. Whatever.) So in this next week I literally sound like a sailor because I guess I’m trying to get it all out of my system. So if you see me wandering around the aisle at the grocery store just muttering obscenities under her breath, please don’t call the cops. I’m not crazy; I’m just trying to let it all out.

 

The Spirit of Giving

You may not know this but I volunteer at my church as a youth group leader. Shocking, I know. I might not be the best role model, but deal with it, because I love working with these kids. Anyway last week instead of having a Christmas party for the youth group we went to a homeless shelter and decided to throw them a Christmas party. It was really awesome to see these kids work with other kids their age and just totally come together. It left me with a warm feeling in my heart. On Monday night I went with friends to sing Christmas carols at a nursing home. (Aren’t I so awesome? Yeah I think so too!) Now I don’t have a good voice at all. In fact I was actually standing behind the back of the grand piano lip synching and trying to control myself so that I wouldn’t get on the piano and pretend that I was a lounge singer in a slinky dress. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THE PEOLE WANTED TO SEE RIGHT! I literally had to stop myself from doing that… I am so sad. It felt good to sing to these people and have them sing along. But is it to much to ask to want to see someone’s teeth fall out while they are singing? I think not. Anyway that left me all fuzzy inside too. So I guess I am getting into the holiday spirit after all.

 

I hope everyone has a great Holiday! Merry Christmas, and Happy Chanukah!

 

links links and more links

The best thing about having time off from work is the GREAT movies on TBS! Right now Troop Beverly Hills is on television. Does it get any better then this? I think not. Who knew that some of the stars of this movie would be big later on. Take Jenny Lewis for example who is now the lead singer for Rilo Kiley! Seriously if you not listening to their music, email me because we need to have a little talk. And look how far Shelley Morrison has come... from playing a maid on troop beverly hills to playing the maid on will and grace. It's good to see that she has some diversity in her acting.  And Tori Spelling well she sucked back then and she sucks now so not much has changed for her but we can't have everything right?

Rims... again.

Today I was driving and guess what I saw?  Anyone? Anyone? Okay I will tell you. I saw a old school minivan, now when I say old school I mean the kind that has the fake wood paneling on the side, and it was driven appropriately by a grandmother. And that's when I noticed it, the minivan had rims. Spinners to be exact. Don't ask me how I know the term I just do, okay? So now that I see that Grandma's are in on this trend I obviously can't get rims now. There goes my ghetto fabulousness.

the most wonderful time of the year???

I think you would have had to live under a rock to not have heard of the quarter life crisis. Well it just hit me today; I am in my quarter life crisis. I was thinking about where I was a year ago and I was living in New York, meeting new people and finally feeling as if things were coming together. Then I had to move back home to Texas, WITH. MY. PARENTS.  After living for seven years on your own this is the ultimate in two steps back from the one step forward.  I am trying to "get back on my feet" but why is this so hard? I am moving to Portland in June but the time seems to be slowly creeping by. I am working for my father, something I swore I would never do and yet here I am, and trying to get my event coordinator business off the ground. It’s hard to get that started when you are moving from your current location in seven months. And when people ask for your help with a wedding, and they are your friend, and they want you to do it for free... umm yeah the whole point of my business is to get paid, so I can EARN A LIVING.  And I'm also just going to admit it I'm lonely, and feeling like this during the holidays just plain sucks.  I am 25 and most of the time I am pretty happy to be single... umm yeah sure. What I hate about it is that people treat me like a little kid because I am not married. Perfect example at my last day of work at the preschool this week, this older lady I work with was watching the kids and the director called over myself and another of my co-workers to do something. So we had to do this task that kept us out for about an hour, upon our return I was greeted by the older lady asking me "Where were you?" I replied,”The director needed us to do something." She then replied, "Oh I just wanted to make sure you weren't doing something you weren't supposed to." Like what? Smoking crack? No I only do that during my breaks. I told her, "We aren't teenagers. I'm not a juvenile delinquent."  She then looks at my ring finger and raises her eyebrows at me. She is constantly asking me if I'm married, I now just ignore her and tune her out, even though I want to ask, has your husband divorced you yet? I don’t think its helping my blah mood with the fact that I am listening to my itunes mix called songs to listen to when I feel like crap. And there isn’t even a new Grey’s Anatomy tonight could it get any worse! I think I should just go to bed, except I’m hungry and it’s only 6:30. Oh and to top it all off I’m losing my fantasy football game right now! Grrrrr!

baking the lissa way...

On Saturday my mother and I went Christmas shopping and while we were shopping I guess I was in the festive spirit, at least I think that is what it was or I was high because nothing else could explain what I told my mother that day, "We should bake cookies." My mom said "That is such a good idea lets do it this week." I said "Great." Now When I said great I thought hey this will be fun slice and bake here we come. The next thing you know my mother is calling me saying  "I found these great recipes on the internet and I've been watching Paula Dean on The Food Network, and we need to go to the store to get the ingredients..." It was at this point that I tuned out and said in my head oh shit what have I gotten myself into? Well yesterday was our cookie day where we were making 5 different cookies... well 5 became 3 because we were a little to sure of ourselves because the women in our family DO. NOT. BAKE. 
Midway through the baking day I realize hey this is fun and I asked my mom, who was standing next to me, "Mom why didn't we do this when I was growing up?" She turned to me and said "I don't know but think about it this way now that you are older we can drink while we bake." SUCH A GOOD POINT! So then I made martinis... this also could be why we only made 3  different cookies instead of 5.

classic melissa

I drive a gas guzzling tahoe... yeah yeah yeah save the hate mail about the environment because I am getting kicked in the ass by the high gas prices. Anyway as I was driving  yesterday I saw this other Tahoe next to me and he had these rims on his tires and they looked so cool. And I thought hmm... maybe I want to get some rims for my tahoe, now I'm not talking about the $10,000 ones but nice ones nonetheless. But then I thought wait does this make me ghetto that I want rims? And then my next thought was no it makes me GHETTO FABULOUS!

what are we going to do with you...

Ladies and Gentleman can we please send Britney Spears a stylist, and someone to help her see the light about her husband? I mean these are the pressing matters of the world right?  Seriously Britney has let herself go! Do we see how she went out on her birthday!! Can we take note of the greasy hair? you can't tell me she doesn't have showers in her 2 million dollar home.

Where is the Britney we all know and love?
THIS BRITNEY! IS SHE HIDING?

At the rate she going if the two of us were walking down the street I have all the confidence in the world to say that I would feel prettier then her. (I know this sounds self absorbed, but well you shouldn't be shocked this is me talking)

So obviously the next plan of action is to get her to be my best friend, so then maybe I could meet my crush.

A mother's love

My mother and I are very close, being as I am an only child and, you know, a girl. Today we went Christmas shopping and we were talking about things and one thing led to another and we started reminiscing about how when I was a little girl and whatnot. Oh let me tell you about the whatnot! It seems that not only did my mother leave me in day care with a women who was once shot in the leg by her husband!!! granted it was an accident and i wasn't even at the house at the time, but still shot in the leg by her husband? Come on! I found out today that when I was about oh say 3 years old my parents were in Reno and playing slots. Well as you all know you can't have children on the casino floor where the gambling is done, so my mother left me playing by myself on the other side of the iron railing while she played slots. I started yelling at her today saying "HELLO I COULD HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED LET ALONE THAT I WAS ON THE DIRTY FLOOR OF A CASINO!!  she calmly  replied "Melissa, I could see you from where I was... and besides I was winning money for your college education."  I love how she justifies it.  Anyway  my mother is a great mom and I hope that one day she can somehow get on the show where it is Oprah's favorite things because I know she would give half the stuff to me. And if she didn't I would just bring up three words "Dirty Casino Floor."