Everything I say is fascinating.

bright idea

so this weekend i went to what i do believe was my 20th wedding. it was really beautiful.

here is the happy couple

seriously it was a great wedding but while i was sitting with all the other single people i started thinking, if i were getting married i would be thinking about my single friends (not during the wedding but in the preparations). For example in the program for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids i would put stars by their names to indicate who was single and who is taken. And then my friend amy stated you know why stop there why not have in the back of the program you sell their best attributes and qualifications. Then lori thought instead of the dollar dance we can have auction! Auction off the singles and then give the money to the happy couple. I personally think that will generate a lot more money then a dollar dance.  so what do you guys think? good idea huh? yeah i thought so too.

Anyway here are some highlights from the wedding b/c i know you want pictures.

there was a chocolate fountain and well Lori got a little carried away to say the least.

My chocolate fountain was the champagne! yummy!

Amy had some champagne too, which got her to let loose on the dance floor

Lori and i were going to attach flasks to our thighs but we didn't mostly b/c we didn't have flasks and if we did I'm sure as we were being seated  at the church probably by Dave (our most conservative friend) it would somehow shimmy down our leg and hit the floor of the chapel with a nice clinking noise. Anyway the point of this was if we had done that I'm sure we would have been right at home with this guy who I AM SURE HAD A FLASK HIDDEN IN HIS COAT!
Ladies and gentlemen... uncle good times!

all in all the reception was a blast and it was good times had by all. stay tuned for pictures from the Halloween party where i am sure you are going to want to see pictures of my costume. its going to be GRRRRRRRRREAT!

halloween costume

Lori and i had a plan for halloween, we were going as Napoleon and Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. she Napoleon and myself Pedro. but her mom threw away her moon boots (yes she did have some don't judge) and the whole plan went to pot.  so today while Lori and i were getting our pass to swim 20 times (we get more hard core by the minute) i asked her so what are you going to be for halloween. She replied with what she was going to go as (I'm withholding the info b/c i don't want to spoil it but mostly b/c i forgot myself). Anyway she asked me what i was going to go as and seeing as we were at the pool, without missing a beat, i replied josh davis!!! but the more i think about this i really might do it. i mean i have the goggles i can borrow Lori's swim cap and Lori pointed out that i should just call up josh davis and ask him if i could borrow his gold medals. but why stop there? i should ask if i could borrow the speedo too. Speedo on the bottom and i could strategically place the gold medals for the top. Lori quickly replied how very lil kim of you. I'm just doing the best i can guys!

olympian i am not

my recap of swimming yesterday is nothing compared to Lori's recap. so go check it out.

but i will say that we also tried to be even more hard core, yes even more hard core then wearing goggles and a swim cap. We decided that we are going to get so good that we are going to turn underwater like they do in the Olympics. umm lets just say after many times of trying to flip i may want to rethink swimming like an Olympian. I basically just got to a mid flip and freaked out and breathed in WHILE UNDERWATER!!!! and i swear water got lodged into my brain and had to come out via my ear. say it with me people GROSS!

hello

hello to the person who found me by googling "whatever happened to the guy who stabbed joey greco."

gosh i love the internet!

Natatorium

or as i like to call it the aquatic center, you know so people will actually know what i am talking about.

so Lori and i decided hey we should try swimming, you know for exercise. well you know the phrase we came, we saw, we conquered?  yeah well they aren't talking about us. first of all the highlight of my day was going to buy purple goggles b/c you know I'm hard core like that.  anyway i had the goggles, Lori had the swim cap and our friend jenny came to but she didn't have any cool gear (i secretly think she went just to laugh at us) so we get in the pool and when i say get i mean ease into the pool. we are talking about 15 minutes before i am fully submerged in the water because i thought it was too cold. anyway we pretty much started in the baby pool for lap swimmers. but we were kicking butt and taking names. then the old ladies decided they needed that pool for water aerobics. i was secretly tempted to just join their class but i would have looked out of place since you know i have all my teeth and all. so we graduated (not willingly) to the big pool where the real swimmers were. Yeah we get in the pool, we start swimming laps and then i notice some guy who is just smoking us in the laps department, yeah he is 50 had a speedo and has a better body then most guys my age. Obviously any sense of accomplishment went out the window (not that there was much seeing as after every lap we had to discuss how "man that lap was killer, and where are we going for lunch after this?").  but as i type this i can tell you my arms are sore and i can't wait to do it again! that's right i have a new workout schedule (remember internet you are supposed to keep me accountable) so here it is Monday, Wednesday, Friday = swimming   Tuesday Thursday and perhaps Saturday = running.  Sunday = i don't think my body will be able to move

Yeah we will see how long this last.

classic melissa

for the longest time i always pretended like i got this joke but i never really got it this is why.

What is black, white and read all over?

answer: the newspaper

every time i heard it, i heard it like this.

What is black, white and RED all over?

answer: Lissa's stupidity

Is it just me or...

Whenever you are in a bookstore do you have the overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom?

facing reality

I have often said “I have no sympathy for those who don’t change their situation.” Well I think its time for me to eat my own words. Over the past two weeks it has been such an awaking, such an eye opening experience. You see I have been on vacation with my family for 2 weeks, and I have realized that nothing has really changed since I was 15. I am now 25 and yes I have gone to college, gotten my degree, moved to new york, but then I moved back home, and since then it seems things have gone downhill. I argue with my parents b/c I have been used to living by myself for 7 years (well I had roommates but you know what I mean). They still see me as a little girl possibly with pigtails. And I have to admit I am dependent on them emotionally but mostly financially. This has got to change. Well the thought occurred to me the other night while sleeping on the air mattress (which over the years has still not gotten any more comfortable) in my aunts office, that in 5 years I will be 30 and unless I do something I could still be sleeping on this same air mattress taking vacations with my parents. Not that there is anything wrong with taking vacations with the rents, but I’m not a teenager anymore. Anyway my point being is that today I am making a vow to you Internet! In one month I will have found myself a job I like! In 2 months I will either have moved out of the house or saving money like crazy so I can move to Portland, with a little nest egg. Oh and I also vow to lose 20 pounds by January… all right maybe 15...okay 10 pounds. Will you keep me accountable internet? Please? I am asking for your help. Thank you.

classic melissa

the scene: a Chinese restaurant its quiet and i am there with 11 of my family members. we are ordering dinner my father orders some seafood plate. the following conversation takes place after he orders:

my cousin elaine: do you like seafood

me: yes its okay.

elaine: what about squid?

me: well i like fried calamari, with ranch and without the testicles.

silence as we all digest what i have just said.

me: TENTACLES! I MEAN TENTACLES!

nervous laughter at the people who have heard my slip up. OH and the people in the next table including the waitress are just dying in laughter at my expense.

elaine quickly turns to me and say  "YOU HAVE TO PUT THIS ON YOUR BLOG!"

THE END.

thats it

i can no longer watch Night Stalker b/c after last nights chapter i woke up 3 times from horrid nightmares that my dad was coming at me with an axe!

also i am starting a new category called

is it me?

or do you get somewhere after driving and you look at yourself in the mirror and go how did i get here? i don't remember driving at all! (scary? yes true? uh huh)