Everything I say is fascinating.

It's my party and I can vomit if I want to

Let me first start off by saying I need a vacation in a bad way. I'm so tired I'm nauseated. Is that even possible? I might have found a new illness. Take that guy with TB!

I don't even know where to start on relaying the events of this weekend; shall we start with my birthday extravaganza? Me vomiting on the way to the day spa? The two weddings I attended this weekend? The bachelorette party on Saturday night? The story of how my friend touched a urinal cake thinking it was soap?  Again I'm tired just thinking about it all... My weekend started off on Friday night at a new restraunt for dinner where 20 of my friends showed up making me feel like a rock star.  My friend Desi wanted me to wear a terria but I put my foot down... and it totally would have messed up my hair and for once I was having a pretty good hair day. I had a lovely dinner of calamari and Caesar salad except I didn't really eat because I was too busy talking. I know, imagine that! After dinner and drinks we went to a neighborhood bar to check out the scene. One drink later and we were out because it was pretty lame. We decided that we needed to go dancing. Now it must be said I love to go dancing and lets just say I think abba wrote dancing queen just for me. I had stopped drinking at the last place because I know myself and I didn't want to feel horrible the following day. Too late. At about 2 we all said goodbye and I was driven home and I went to bed... well not after I had a couple of bites of ice cream but remember I didn't have dinner and it was my birthday. Don't judge me!
The following morning I dragged myself out of bed threw on some clothes and headed out the door to the spa. My car has GPS which I must say is an awesome feature especially when you are counting the miles so you can get to the bathroom to vomit because you are feeling so sick. I'm traveling down a major street and all I can look at is the map and chanting in my head just two more miles.  I didn't make it the two miles. I had to pull over on the side of the street and I threw open the door and proceeded to throw up on the street all from the comfort of my drivers seat. Classy. Yet another Classic Melissa moment.  (I should have prefaced this story with the fact that I wasn't drunk at all the night before, no really I wasn't. I finished with that stuff a long time ago.) Anyway so there I am throwing up from inside my car and people are honking and waving. I really hope nobody I didn't see anyone I knew especially  their parents.  I finally made it to the spa and Jenny said I looked like death but by the time I left 4 hours later I was revived and ready to go. I even met with clients after that! Gosh I'm good.  In the evening I went to a friends wedding and then quickly rushed home to change for another friends personal shower/bachelorette party.  I was an hour late but really when am I ever on time?  After she opened her gifts we decided to head downtown for the party portion of the evening. It was a coed party so Jenny and I picked up my friend Dave, and all three of us were so tired from the evening before that we had to devise a plan on how to leave this party early. We came up with the brilliant idea of when its time to leave we will catch each other eye and just start waving our hands all wild like in the air.  Imagine someone being chased by bees and you will get the visual picture.  Cut to two hours later and Jenny and I are ready to go and we decide to put our plan into action except when we start waving our arms in the air Dave looks at us like we are crazy. The plan didn't work so well and we ended up looking like idiots. Finally it dawned on him what we were trying to say and he did the sign back and in 10 minutes we were in the car heading home. Although not before seeing 4 bike cops throw one guy into the bushes and yank another one out of his car. I mean who doesn’t like to see a good rumble where bike cops are involved. Now we are finally at Sunday and my friend Amanda is getting married. It was all beautiful till a storm decided to roll in and ruin the festivities. The wedding was outdoors and while we were all eating dinner the manager of the facilities walks out to say we are going to have to move indoors because of the rain that was headed our way. No sooner after he stopped talking that gale force winds came down from the heavens started blowing everything down. I mean we are talking champagne glasses being knocked over as well as the chairs, and tables. I have never seen a staff move so fast to get everything indoors... except they weren't moving quite fast enough. The wedding guest decided to help out and pretty soon we are all collapsing chairs and tables and running for shelter. Have you ever seen the movie forces of nature? How all of a sudden this hurricane ruins the wedding and everything is being swept away it was kind of like that only funnier because my skirt almost flew up over my head at least 3 times. I didn't get home on Sunday till about 12:30 at night and I passed out.  I'm still tired and it's the middle of the week. I will have to tell you guys the urinal cake story later because I'm going to bed. To be continued...

The Pressure Of A Link... Must Seem Witty And Yet Will Fail Miserably

Have you met my new best friend?

Okay so we aren't best friends but she really is super cool and Heather you are so right she is  very laid back, but I'm getting ahead of myself so let me start from the beginning. (Um... also could I look any scarier in that picture? Not to mention oily? Seriously why didn't someone hand me a clean & clear sheet?)

I knew I shouldn't have gone out the night before because I was going to have to drive to Austin but did that stop me? No! (more on that later) I woke up with a headache and proceed to stumble around my apartment trying to decide what to wear because hello she writes the advice smackdown and I didn't want her to look at me and think do you even read my column? Which she totally wouldn't have because she is that nice.

I arrived at Lori's house around 10:45 we assessed the situation and decided how to approach our wardrobe. On the one hand it's Austin which means that flip flops are okay year round and yet on the other it said it was a brunch and a brunch in texas means heels.  I chose to wear a green top with my seven jeans and black heels, and as you can see in the picture that is not what I am wearing. AT. ALL.  Lori and I arrive at the brunch and everyone is outside and we see they are super casual. Naturally  we freak out. Lori is dressed in a cute red top of mine, jeans and black heels  and after we drive by she  said I feel  way overdressed. I need to change. NOW. It was no problem for me because I had my white shirt in the car and my flip flops, but Lori lives in south Austin and it would have been a pain to drive all the way back to change and the clock was ticking. What is a girl to do?

Off to Target (because it was so close and really who doesn't love target) and an hour later we finally arrive at the brunch at 1:00! I'm always late to the party. Sigh. The first person I see is Amy and she smiles and welcomes us and offers us a drink. I think she has the southern hospitality down! I am a blubbering fool and keep telling her I'm nervous... about 3 times.  She just giggles and then proceeds to tell me I recognize you from your blog and even says the title. I almost pass out.

It was just so nice to meet the person you have been reading about for about 3 years and realize that she is nice normal funny and also incredibly thin. I just want to take the time to say thanks Amy for taking the time to come and meet us. Jennifer thanks for opening up your home to complete strangers, you rock my socks off! Seriously my feet are cold.

without further ado... NYC Stories

Okay i am finally going to talk about the NYC trip but i fear i will not do it justice, so don't say i didn't warn you. I arrive at the airport 2 hours before my flight leaves. Now i never really do this b/c i don't think it necessary but alas i did today. So I'm already in a bad mood from having to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. They begin to board the plane and sure enough who is sitting next to me? Santa Clause. Yes an old fat man who had more hair coming out his ears then on the top of his head.  And he was pregnant, okay not really but he looked like he could have been carrying twins and so his arm is all up in my space and I'm getting pissed! But i am trying to read my book and listen to my music but he has this twitch which makes his elbow go into my rib cage and i think he was enjoying it. Anyway we finally land 3 LONG hours later and i get in my taxi and I'm off to Rachel and Nessa's apartment. Sidenote i'm just jealous about this apartment b/c 2 bedroom and 2 bathrooms!!! did you read that 2 bathrooms! i think i might be turning green.

of course the first thing we do is eat and then take a nap. if anything we are consistent when we hang out, food first then sleep.  Then i wake up and I took Nessa and Rachel to a great Malaysian dinner, they were hesitant at first but the cute waiter won them over. Whatever i was just happy to have Malaysian food, there isn't a big demand for it here in Texas. Anyway some good food, talk about relationships and men, and several drinks later we go back to their apartment and then Rachel convinced us that we had to go see her friend preform some show at midnight. Vanessa and i were all wha? are you kidding at midnight? that's way past our bedtime, but we relented and it ended up being a good time.

On Saturday i got up showered and made myself all pretty b/c i was picking up Brian at Grand Central.

I then took him to Nessa and Rachel's where he dropped off his stuff and then we hit the town! I showed him the Brooklyn Bridge

And some other fun stuff at south street sea port

then we met up with some of his friends and we went shopping and i didn't buy one thing!! I KNOW THE MADNESS!!! After we were done shopping Brian and i went to get ready for the night out and met up with Nessa and Rachel. After the girls got all dolled up we were ready to roll. (these girls have a full proof plan of looking hot to score free drinks, we just won't tell vanessa's boyfriend)  I took them to Little Italy where we celebrated Brian turning another year older. and then we hit the bars!  where things might have gotten a little out of control

But of course Brian and I were the only sober ones of the group... well okay maybe just he was as i kept trying to convince him to carry me home b/c i couldn't walk anymore because my feet hurt and it didn't help that i had 3 martinis and we all know i'm a light weight.

I think we all had a good time at least i know Nessa and Rachel did i might have worn them out.

Stay tuned for tales of the marathon and more pictures as i just realized its 1 in the morning and I have to swim tomorrow.

bright idea

so this weekend i went to what i do believe was my 20th wedding. it was really beautiful.

here is the happy couple

seriously it was a great wedding but while i was sitting with all the other single people i started thinking, if i were getting married i would be thinking about my single friends (not during the wedding but in the preparations). For example in the program for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids i would put stars by their names to indicate who was single and who is taken. And then my friend amy stated you know why stop there why not have in the back of the program you sell their best attributes and qualifications. Then lori thought instead of the dollar dance we can have auction! Auction off the singles and then give the money to the happy couple. I personally think that will generate a lot more money then a dollar dance.  so what do you guys think? good idea huh? yeah i thought so too.

Anyway here are some highlights from the wedding b/c i know you want pictures.

there was a chocolate fountain and well Lori got a little carried away to say the least.

My chocolate fountain was the champagne! yummy!

Amy had some champagne too, which got her to let loose on the dance floor

Lori and i were going to attach flasks to our thighs but we didn't mostly b/c we didn't have flasks and if we did I'm sure as we were being seated  at the church probably by Dave (our most conservative friend) it would somehow shimmy down our leg and hit the floor of the chapel with a nice clinking noise. Anyway the point of this was if we had done that I'm sure we would have been right at home with this guy who I AM SURE HAD A FLASK HIDDEN IN HIS COAT!
Ladies and gentlemen... uncle good times!

all in all the reception was a blast and it was good times had by all. stay tuned for pictures from the Halloween party where i am sure you are going to want to see pictures of my costume. its going to be GRRRRRRRRREAT!

dallas

   

So i went to Dallas this weekend was it fun? oh yes, yes it was my friends!

Aaron and i drove up on Thursday and it was a very fun drive. Seriously laughing the entire way, mostly at my driving skills.

So anyway  the reason for the Dallas trip was because my friend Melissa was opening her own store ella bleu. We are all so excited for her It really is a site to see. what you want pictures of her store? well i can accommodate that request.

Who went? more like who didn't go.

so after the grand opening we went to o bar where we got our groove on...

so anyway it was a fun weekend and then on Sunday the drive back was just swell, mostly b/c Aaron drove and i slept and then i took pretty pictures when i woke up.

you can see the rest of the photos from the weekend here. Hope you had a good one too. Tomorrow I'm going to address the NFL game I went to and the fact that my fantasy football  is letting me down!!