Just when I think I had run out of material for the blog my body decided to REVOLT against me and gives me plenty of blogging material for your enjoyment and trust me this story is full of tears and laughter!
Friday morning was probably going to be the biggest day of the month (work wise) so I had my alarm set for 6 so I could get an early start on the day so I wouldn't feel rushed. My alarm went off as planned and as I turned my body to shut it off I felt as if my someone had stuck a butcher knife in my back. The pain was so severe that it went down both my legs and up my spine. I decided to lay there for ten minutes and wish the pain the away. It didn't happen. I had no choice but to try to get out of bed. I had the forethought to grab the phone by my bedside table in case something went wrong and I'm so glad I did; with tears in my eyes I swung my legs over my bed and I tried to stand on my feet just to fall to the ground in a great big mess. I then tried to get on all fours and crawl to the bathroom, who knows why I tried to get to the bathroom, I'm not sure my logic was in it's best state at this point in time but I even my knees couldn't support me either. I touched my legs with my hands and I couldn't feel my hands on my legs and that is when I made the call.
I franticly called my mom and dad and said I can't feel my legs, I need to go to the hospital! We need to go call 911. I'm sure if they weren't awake at 6 am that phone call woke them right up! Now a little sidenote about me is that I really hate going to the doctor. My parents have to twist and beg me to go to the doctor for any kind of illness I might have so for me to call them in the morning and the first thing out of my mouth is, "I need to go to the hospital." They knew I meant business... as if the tears and the hysteria weren't enough but I digress.
I get my parents on the phone and I tell them what is going on they tell me they are on their way but we face a big problem, which is how are they going to get into my apartment? My parents have a key but I have it dead-bolted for safety and there is no way I can just walk over and open the door; it took me an HOUR AND HALF to army crawl on the floor of my apartment to open the door for my parents. Keep in my mind while this time is ticking away all I can think about is every episode of ER and Grey's Anatomy that I have seen where they find a tumor in someone's back and then they are a goner! So you know I'm crying! In all honesty I looked like this pug. I'm not going to lie, I'm sure if it didn't happen to me it would have been hilarious! I present visual aid #1.
Once my parents were in my apartment, had calmed me down, and called the ambulance, I started doing business. Remember by this time it was practically 8:00 am and I had meetings all day long. I was on my cell phone with work and with different title companies and clients telling them what was going on but not to fear because I had other agents that were going to be there to represent them at their closings. APPARENTLY EVEN IN A TIME OF CRISIS I AM A DAMN GOOD REALTOR. I'm just saying.
The ambulance arrives and my mom comes into the room and tells me I have good news and bad news. I just whimper what is it? I can't be bothered by details right now because HELLO MY LEGS ARE FALLING OFF! She tells me the ambulance is here (the good news) but the EMT's are really good looking (bad news since I look like I'm homeless and I haven't even brushed my teeth). I think she was trying to make me smile and make me feel better but at that point I didn't care until they walked into my apartment and I noticed they could have won an Oscar for best looking in a movie if there was such a category! I'm completely embarrassed as they strap me onto the stretcher and away we go to the hospital.
Twenty minutes later they are unstrapping me from the stretcher and I of course make an inappropriate comment and say, "I haven't been touched like that in a long time." My parents are obviously not in the room with me because pain or no pain my mom would have slapped me. The EMT's just laughed out loud and said that that was a good one. I like to think even under pressure and severe pain I bring my A game.
The PA sees me for about 10 minutes and says oh it's just muscle spasms and wants to send me on my way. I wanted to slap him, but my doctor shows up at this point and rips him a new one and says there is no way you are discharging my patient blah blah blah she needs an MRI and all these other test and I'm whisked away. Because seriously I can't believe he wanted to let me leave the hospital! I'm not ashamed to admit this but I had to go to the bathroom and they asked me if I could make it to the bathroom and I OPTED FOR THE BEDPAN! AGAIN I CHOSE THE BEDPAN. That is the type of pain we are talking about here and not to mention that I couldn't FEEL MY LEGS! Most people would describe me as a religious person but during this time I'm talking I found jail-house religion.
It all happened very fast but I go to have an MRI and the technician tells me I have seen enough of these to tell you what you have even though I'm not a doctor. I convince him to spill the beans. He tells me I have a a herniated disc and then asks me how I could have gotten it or if I have had back pain before? I said I have no idea. Then wish a straight face he asks me well do you power lift? Now I'm lying down on a bed/ gurney/ stretcher/ whatever the hell you want to call it, so all I can do is look up at his face to see if he is serious and he is! With an equal straight face I said I'm 5'3" and weigh 130 pounds. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I POWER LIFT? I HAVE CHICKEN LEGS! (I can't believe I told the internet how much I weigh, it must be the drugs.)
So after four days in the hospital they decided against surgery for now, but they are starting me on epidural injections for the next two weeks instead and see how I do on those and hopefully my body will heal itself and I won't have to have surgery. As for now I can't drive for more then a month, I have to take a leave of absence from work for 6 weeks and I think on my first day of bed rest I have reached the end of the internet.
This is what is going on in my spine. It doesn't look like much but when it causes you to look like the hunchback of Notre Dame trust me it will come to mean a lot to you!
On the other hand be expecting a lot more post because now I can finish all the ones I have stock piled. None of this once a week updating thing I have been doing the past couple of months. So when you think about it my back problem really is benefiting you! THE READERS!