Classic Melissa... The Underwear Edition Part 4549837
We all know I have bit of trouble with my underwear. Do we remember the incident of 2007? Yeah that was fun! Well I have yet another one for you and it involves strangers and my doctor.
Last Monday I went to get my steroid lumbar epidural shot for my back and when I called to make the appointment the receptionist made sure to tell me that to dress warmly for the waiting room. I made sure to follow those instructions because if it's one thing that always happens to me its that I always get cold. What does one even wear for such an occasion as getting a giant shot in the back? Well LAYERS. I had on these pants from the gap in grey and white shirt with green cardigan. Now when you wear those kinds of pants one must wear a thong and if you aren't wearing a thong and are going for the full bottom coverage well we need to talk. E-mail me please because people are talking about you behind your back.
What was I saying? Oh yes! So I knew I was going to be changing into one of those gowns where you are exposed in the back and I remember thinking to myself that I should bring another pair of underwear so I would be showing everyone the goods! Well you know how that goes I think it and then it disappears. They call my name I go to change and what is the first thing I remember OH CRAP I FORGOT MY EXTRA PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! I come out of the changing room clutching the back of my gown like the grip of death because one gust of wind and that everyone will be getting a free show courtesy of my backside.
They lead me to my bed and close the curtain. I was the second to last patient of the day and I was being treated at an out patient hospital so privacy really wasn't high on the list. The other patient there was a 19 year old boy who had broken his wrist and was having surgery to set all the bones in his hand. Since there was only a curtain and a bed separating us I could hear everything that was going on and he sounded like he was in dire amounts of pain. I was already nervous about my upcoming shot and this was not helping the matter at all. He starts moaning and saying things like just cut my arm off already and I want to die. It's at this point my doctor comes over to me and whispers into my ear don't worry he's not my patient. Thank goodness. It was also at this time that I heard him ask the nurse am I having an allergic reaction to the medicine? The nurse said, "Um... we haven't given you anything yet." I'm sure she was really trying hard to keep a straight face when he asked this question because I burst out laughing when I heard her answer.
Wasn't I talking about my underwear? Thats right I was. When the nice man came to give me the drugs he said that it would put me under, but it was the kind of sedation that I could talk but I wouldn't remember what was being said and that I wouldn't remember any pain. I said fine sign me up! Cut to an hour later and I'm waking up to two nurses around me checking my vitals or playing cards or whatever i don't know what they doing, but I opened my eyes and they said "Hi welcome back!" The first words out of my mouth, "Hi did I say anything funny?" (Lets just say I know myself.) Nurse one stammered and said, "Nooo noooo. Why?" And then quickly looked at the other nurse two who smiled and tried to turn away, but not before I saw her! I demanded to know what I said and then they confessed that I might have apologized a couple of times for my choice of underwear. Apparently I slurred to the doctor and anyone who would listen that I didn't mean to wear a thong and show my bare ass to the whole world and I meant to bring along proper underwear.
This story wouldn't be so bad if I only had to see these people once but I had to see them again TODAY! And of course they remembered me! When one of the nurses was putting the IV in she said, "So are going to be sharing anything with us this time?" I laughed and said, "No, I had all the appropriate garments on today." After my second injection I didn't ask if I said anything funny and I really think it's for the best. Ignorance is bliss.