Negative Connotation

This past Saturday I was at a Christmas party that my parents, as well as some of my other family members, attended. It was over a glass of wine that I heard my mother's cousin ask, "So is Melissa seeing anyone?" Without missing a beat my mom answers "No she is too high maintenance and picky." I quickly replied "I heard that!"

Later that night I was laying in bed thinking am I high maintenance ? Then I began thinking exactly what does that term mean?  Yes I like to dress up and do my hair and look pretty. Sometimes I can spend a lot of time doing those things and that is my right as a girl. On the other hand sometimes I throw my hair in a ponytail and head out the door.  Yes, even without makeup... okay maybe some lip gloss. When I hear the term high maintenance I think of a girl who spends hours getting ready every day, and needs designer EVERYTHING. Heck if I find something cute at Target I will wear it, and that's not to say that I don't appreciate quality craftsmanship, but again I shop at target. I also think of a girl who needs a big rock on her finger and needs to live a lavish lifestyle. Do I need to live in a mansion? No, not by any means, but nor do I want to live off of food stamps either. 

I love to go camping and when I say love I mean LOVE! I like sleeping on the ground or under the stars sometimes when I go camping I don't even shower for days. Gross I know but part of the experience nonetheless. When I tell people I am going camping I always get the same reaction. YOU! NO WAY! This infuriates me to no end. Can there not be a healthy balance between liking to wear dresses and cute shoes on the weekdays and wanting to go hiking on a Saturday afternoon?  I think a real girl who is high maintenance wouldn't be caught dead in nature.

I will admit that my mother was right in one area and that is I am picky. I don't have a list that I have to check mark each thing in order for me to like someone because I don't think it works that way. I do have several things that I am looking for in a man. My faith is very important to me, and while some people don't understand it, I want him to be a spiritual leader. I'm not talking he needs to be a pastor or anything but I do want Christianity to be important to him too. I want someone to travel with, to go on adventures with because that is what life is an adventure. (Just talk to anyone who has kids and they will tell you that.)  I want someone to laugh at life with and someone who I can cry on his shoulder when things get hard.  I want to be happy and if that makes me high maintenance and picky in some peoples eyes well then I will gladly wear that title.   

Comments

[Carolie]

Hurray for you! High maintenance, to me, means someone who needs constant attention and reassurance, and constant big spending. I don't think you qualify.

As for picky, STAY PICKY!! Picky is a GOOD thing! Before I got married, I had three rules. I'd be friends with just about anyone, but I didn't want to date (not even once!) anyone unless he:

1. Had lived by himself for at least two years...not in a dorm, able to pay bills, do laundry, and otherwise survive like an adult.

2. Had to have a spiritual life...I personally believe that atheism is a sign of emotional immaturity.

3. Had to like being around kids (whether I ever have one or adopt one or not, I still spend a LOT of time with my nieces, and with kids in volunteer activities.

I had friends who laughed at me, and guys who said I was a bitch because I didn't waver. But why would I waste my time dating someone who would ultimately make me unhappy?

Stay picky...and more power to you!

[Jennifer]

First of all, stay picky. Cause the man of your dreams is the man of your dreams for a reason. Don't settle for less than you desire and deserve! As for the high maintenance thing, since I don't know you very well, I would have never assumed, I would be more high maintenance than you, but yes, tis true. Now you know my secret - I am a total girly high maintenace girl. I don't even camp girlfriend - haven't since I was 7 when I was I severely traumatized by it - I don't rough it, I don't go anywhere where there isn't a shower, airconditioning and bug free environments. And yeah, I totally married Mr. Outdoors-low-maintenance man who wants to take me hunting!! I'll be caught dead first before I'm caught making something dead myself. And you know what, he totally loves this high maintenance girly-girl. So you just stay your semi-high maintenance-ish, picky self, because there's a guy that needs a little Melissa in his life! (o:

[slynnro]

That's just crap parents say to piss you off. My parents did the same thing with me.

This whole concept of high maintenance-ness is ridiculous. I spend a fair amount of time on my appearance, but that doesn't effect my spouse. So if my appearance is high maintenance, he should just be glad I take care of myself.

High maintenance in a relationship is someone who demands constant time, and makes whiny requests and wants a guy to do everything, be everything, take care of everything. Though I've not dated you, I feel pretty safe saying you are not high maintenance like that.

[Holly]

My favorite is when your parent tries to make your singleness sound better their friends by saying things like she's still looking for someone good enough for her or the perfect person is out there just waiting to find her...Ugh!

[lisa]

I have to agree that if there's one thing in life you should be picky about it's the person you'll spend the rest of your life with!!!

And Gary is more than willing to wait for me to be a little high maintenance on the hair and make-up. He likes it when I take the extra time to do it up!